Rewrite political essay

The main reason this is not a pass is because 50% of the essay is essentially missing. You were asked to compare and contrast an insider and an outsider to the First Debate and you have not done so.

While you somewhat note the existence of the First Great Debate (within IR’s canon) you do not define or expand upon what this is in a clear manner or who the debate was between. In turn, by not doing so, I feel your essay is littered with various inaccuracies and aspects that are just not clear (see also below).

You do not include 3 clear sections or fully interrogate the linguistic or political context. There is way too much repetition on display and these ‘wasted’ words need to be allocated towards other aspects of the question. 

Further to this, you need to define your terms and provide a deeper exposition. In this way, you need to unpack the key points you make and the terminology/vocabularies utilised. For example, you mention the balance of power but do not concretely explain what this is or why it might be relevant. To add to this, there are many instances whereby you introduce a point/argument and then you do not develop this or link it to the course material. 

Moreover, your approach to referencing is highly problematic. Large portions of your essay require supporting evidence in the form of references, and even when you do attempt to do this, it is incorrect or incomplete as you mostly do not include pages numbers. 

On top of this, there are a number of areas in the essay which lack clarity and I am not too sure what argument you are trying to make. At the same time, you put forward many inaccuracies and the discussion does not always remain relevant to the question at hand (see in text comments).

If all this could be improved on the paper that would be fab thank you

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